What is the “authentic self” therapists talk about?
Depending on your therapists views, many of us tend to use the same phrases. One of those phrases being “the authentic self”. So what does the authentic self actually represent?
The Center for Growth describes the authentic self as, “Being your true authentic self means what you say in life aligns with what your actions. Your authentic self goes beyond what you do for a living, what possessions you own, or who you are to someone (mom, brother, girlfriend). It is who you are at your deepest core”. In summary, the authentic self refers to the REAL you, not the one that is influenced or hindered by external norms.
How do external norms inhibit our authentic selves?
External norms such as societal, familial, and community based norms can have a heavy impact on us slowly burying our authentic selves deep inside of us. Imagine the metaphor of a mini you- the real you, slowly getting buried deeper and deeper into a dark cave. This cave is built up by the way we are taught how to act, react, dress, think, view life, view each other, and many more external influences. Over time, the authentic you slowly tries to crawl out of this cave. It wants to get out, which is where symptoms such as discord with friends, awareness of wanting mental health support, feeling depressed or anxious, and many other symptoms can be connected to.
When you start to learn how to filter external norms into ones you actually appreciate, versus one’s that no longer serve you- the journey towards accepting your authentic self has begun! This can be tricky to do alone, and a therapist can help you track which norms fall into which categories.
An example I like to use is wearing pants in public. Probably a societal norm that feels comfortable to subscribe to. Whereas the societal norms about beauty standards aren’t something I am as willing to subscribe to. They are confining, ableist, create shame and lead to more negatives than positives.
What does the authentic self represent?
The authentic self represents the anarchy, and power of self acceptance. It means that even with how loud the external norms can get, you are willing to look past the bs of the “should’s” and accept yourself. You are innately worthy. So why not be worthy of your own self love? (A big question maybe to breakdown with a therapist.)
Living authentically, also leads to more authentic connections in life. It means less appeasement, and more filtering to people who truly have similar interests, feelings, thoughts, and values. This is not to say that being authentic leads to having only one type of friend. But it does mean the ability to grow deeper than surface level friendships.
How can I get to my authentic self?
This is where personalized support comes into play. There are a million self help resources out there, but none of them are written specifically to your unique life experience. So while many self support or wellness skills meant for the masses “may” help for a while, many times it will not help long term since it is not personalized to you. Options like talk therapy with the provider that aligns well with your needs helps to dig deeper into identifying the traits of your authentic self and how to live life in alignment.
There are many ways we are constantly working towards a more authentic self, because the work is never over. As Lily says in How I Met Your Mother, “As we mature the relationship mature’s with us.”- so the big question is, what helps you with your own road blocks to your authentic self?
