Navigating Grief Around the Holiday Season
Holidays can be very tough when you are living with grief. There are so many memories that can come up and create waves of love and sadness around the holidays. The mixed bag of grief and love can become overwhelming, so we have a few reminders to help meet your grief as it comes up during this time of year:
Validate Your Grief
The worst thing you can do for your grief, is disregard it. It will get it’s way. You cannot avoid it forever, and trying is going to make it ten times harder to process. Grief comes in waves, so meeting yourself in ways that support your processing is important. This could look like letting yourself cry when emotions start to rise. Or maybe it is talking about the person who is gone to feel connected to them. Validating how you feel doesn’t mean causing a scene, or lashing out at someone; it means taking your healing tools and utilizing them to process your thoughts and feelings as your heart walks through this season.
2. Honor Their Memory
Whether it is eating their favorite foods, or sharing photos of them- think about the ways you feel comfortable honoring their memory around this time. If they have a grave site, maybe it is bringing something to put on their headstone. Or if their ashes are spread, maybe it is visiting where they are and sending them wishes. What would feel like a loving way to honor them for you? You can do this alone, with other people, or with a trusted pet (pet's are HIPAA compliant! They don’t care if you cry).
3. BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are already essential with any family gathering, but even more so when we are grieving. Taking breaks and verbalizing your boundaries are important so you lessen the possibility of slipping into overwhelm.
It is important to note, sometimes we know our families better than the pop-psychology online… and boundaries aren’t going to get us much further, and may even make us even more emotionally derailed. If this sounds fitting, remember time is your ally- how much time are you spending with people you know are emotionally damaging to you? How can you minimize your time with this person? Sometimes non-verbal boundaries are more effective than verbal boundaries with complicated relationships. (Is it the cure all? no.. maybe check in with your therapist.)
4. Support is Essential
During the holiday season we tend to be around more people than our day to day lives. Keeping your trusted support system around is another helpful way to navigate the holiday season and grief. Maybe you create a “game plan” with your trusted person about how long you are going to visit, what code word means you are wanting to exit, or maybe it is as small as being able to hold their hand to feel grounded during an event.
I understand we do not all have access to these people, or maybe the person you think of is actually the person who has passed away. If this is the case, then we are our best support system. Reflecting on boundaries, we can be our best advocates for what we need. It can also be carrying something small to ground yourself, such as a piece of jewelry that reminds you of the person. Or maybe a worry stone to help you re-ground yourself when navigating holiday events.
If you are still experiencing painful emotions and are wanting more personalized support to prepare for the holiday season, check in with a grief counselor. For potential openings with me, Simone Koger, contact me here!
For a non-therapy support tool, check out Grief Sucks, a mindful bereavement journal.
Please note, all blog posts are meant to be general information and tips. Personalized support can be provided with individual therapy.
