A Soft Plea to Not Ghost Your Therapist

This is an open letter to people who have or are thinking about ghosting their therapist- please don’t.

I get it, goodbye can be a really tough thing to talk about- especially with someone who knows intimate and deep parts of your life. But no matter what the reason is you want to end therapy- telling your therapist is much less disruptive than ghosting them. In my opinion, as therapists we never forget our clients- no matter how long it has been, or how long we have seen you. I will never forget who I have spent time with in a therapeutic setting. So when someone might no show, or never rebook- and there is no explanation, it is just a lingering mystery in our minds.

Speaking up and sharing what is leading you to leave this therapist can also be very helpful to them as a professional.

While not every therapy relationship works out, that is okay! Letting your therapist know what is leading you to want to end services can be very beneficial to them. Whether or not it has anything to do with their clinical style, it is still relevant. Even if it is personal financial reasons, or that you feel like you need a break from the deep work therapy can provide. Communicating your wants and needs is part of life.

Or, if it does have to do with their therapeutic approach- they might be able to find you referrals to other support options. I tell all my intake session clients that my style of therapy is not for everyone. Not everyone likes full transparency, systemic thinking, with a splash of swearing. That is okay! There are many different types of therapists out in the world for that reason- it is not a one style fits all type of science.

We are human too.

While there is only so much reaching out we can do- until we get the hint you have moved on- we do have ethical codes to provide you resources and support options. Worry can set in, wondering if you are safe and okay. A quick message to your provider that you wish to discontinue services, is a lot more than literal silence.

I get that this blog probably won’t find the people who actually ghost their therapist. But at least it will be out in the world for others to know that while it might seem scary to let your therapist know you want to end your relationship, closure is something only you have the power to give them. Because once the responses stop, all we as therapists can do is hope that you are living your best life out there somewhere in the world with a good support system.

please note that this blog is not in reference to situations where abuse or misconduct is occurring.