Wanna “Put a Ring On It?” Here are Our Favorite Life Partnership Prompts to Discuss with Your Partner(s)!
couple holding hands
If you Google Pre-Marital questions, you will get a 1,000 blogs with mainly stereotypical, gender-conforming questions. That might work to help some couples address topics that are related to sustaining lasting love, but they are not built for everyone. So, as a discernment counselor who is also a L1 Gottman trained Couples therapist living in 2024, my hope is this list has a diverse and interesting level of topics for partners to share & explore the depths of their connection together.
Please note there is not a strict order in these prompts, but simply optional topics that may help you decide if this relationship is in alignment with your authentic wants in life.
How did your parents communicate various emotions (eg. anger, sadness, happiness, embarrassment, etc) and what patterns do you see in yourself with those family communication styles?
Is there any want you feel is not being fulfilled in this relationship?
Will we have children, and if so what is our hope in terms of parenting logistics (eg. medical appointments, availability to the child, support & delegation options, parental leave from work, etc)
How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all? (From NY Times article, 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married)
What is our cadence of spending time together vs, individually vs. with friends/children/family etc?
Do we feel we have healthy emotional trust in this relationship? If not, are there ways we can build our emotional trust?
Are we in agreement with the cadence of our sexual activity? If not, are there ways to address this or are we at very different ends of the spectrum of sexual needs?
What are your boundaries regarding this relationship? (eg. communication depths, time apart, interactions with ex’s, privacy, level of flirting with others, financial independence, etc)
Rate the love languages in order from most important to you to least & discuss.
With the way we currently disagree, do we feel it is sustainable for our relationship or would having additional communication skills help us both feel heard after arguments?
What are the signs of a meaningful relationship to you? (From the Family Institute)
What do you appreciate and respect about your partner?
Are there any quirks that drive you crazy? Is that a crazy you can live with?
How important is it for our political views to be in alignment?
What are our ethical codes of life?
If parenting is in play, how do you see yourself in regards to parenting styles?
Is there anywhere you truly want to live, that you haven’t yet? If not, where do you see your “forever home” being?
How do we get along/not with each other’s extended families? Is that an important factor in who is our life partner?
In terms of cadence, and how we communicate on a daily basis with each other- are we both satisfied? Is there anything we would request to change?
If jealousy arises in our relationship, how do we plan to navigate it? (This does not have to be just romantically, but also through parenting, job changes, role changes, etc)
How are our individual support systems? Are there ways to increase them or create deeper friendships?
Do we have a trusted couples counselor we can work with if we start to feel an outside perspective would help us meet our goals?
When it comes to finances, how do we plan to address money habits, spending limits, access to each other’s accounts/shared accounts, long term goals, emergency funds, etc? Are we in alignment with those goals & systems?
What is my own pattern when it comes to disagreements? What do I need from my partner in order to create a space for constructive communication?
How do we plan to navigate chores? While it may not always be 50/50- how can we create a system where physical, emotional and mental chores are divided between us in a manageable way?
Do we have any health concerns? Would we create a system for who gets power of attorney, or additional support from a lawyer regarding our assets?
In terms of dietary restrictions, are we in alignment on what is safe/allowed to bring into our home?
Are there cultural traditions that are important to you? How can your spouse honor and support your cultural traditions?
Do we have any expectations in terms of how things will be after we are married versus now?
In terms of courtship & getting proposed to- are there are cultural traditions or wants that would be helpful for the other partner to know?
Bonus- If you scan your body & feel your gut emotions, do you feel this person is the life partner for you?
Take your time with these prompts and if you need additional support it is always helpful to have a third party professional such as a premarital or couples counselor to discuss these with. For people navigating co-parenting relationships as well as life partners, check out our future blog on Life Partnership Prompts While Navigating Coparenting for more personalized questions.
For openings for couples counseling, email me here!
