Grief Sucks. What now?
There is no getting around it, grief sucks. Whether a loved one has died, you are going through a breakup, something big has changed in your life, *insert other forms of grief here. We can’t avoid grief forever, it is tied to us.
How Do We Meet Grief?
The beauty of grief is it is personal to you. It is a 1:1 interaction, because your experience is 1 of 1. It is also the most heartbreaking part of grief, because it means this unique connection has changed. Meeting your grief starts with validating where you are at in your grief journey. Grieving is not a linear process like some like to confine it to-
Some questions to ask yourself:
What hurts the most right now about my grief?
What do I miss?
What is hard to process right now?
Who can I lean on for support right now?
What boundaries can help me in this stage of my grief?
Can I even connect to my feelings? Or am I still in shock?
If you want more helpful prompts related to grief, you can find our mindfulness grief journal, Grief Sucks on Amazon and Lulu.com.
What if I don’t know what to do next?
Depending on which stage of grief you are in, and who or what you are grieving- we have come up with some options of ways to navigate the “through” of grief. As we mentioned earlier, there is no getting around grief, only through.
What is next is taking it one step at a time. Day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.
Supportive grief activities:
Creating a memory box- with this persons items, photos, written accounts of fun memories, or anything else you find supportive to hold in this box. Decorate the outside or write all over it- or keep it simple, whatever feels supportive to your grief.
Going outside- we have a lovely community organization here in Washington called Wild Grief. They offer hikes and camping trips for grievers of all ages. If you prefer to do so alone, there is always options like taking walks, going to the beach, or even just stepping outside for 15 minutes.
Journaling- Whether it is with a specific Grief Journal, or creating your own - writing can be very therapeutic for some folks.
Build Your Support Network- Sometimes people grieving a breakup look up and realize they poured so much into a relationship, while not maintaining friendships. Friendship is an essential part of life. Think about the people you can grow into deeper friendships with. If you are starting form scratch, think about activities, places, or events that fit with your authentic interests where you can meet new people.
Getting active- along with getting outside, sometimes going to workout alone with a group can be a helpful way to give your rumination a break, and be in the moment. People have reported yoga, HITT workouts, running, or weightlifting have been helpful.
Set boundaries- you might be saying, “Simone this isn’t an activity”- well once you start, it might feel like one. A weird side effect of grief can be the emotional loads or overstepping some people tend to do out of discomfort. A lot of us haven’t been taught how to help a griever. So some people overextend or overcompensate for their own discomfort of not knowing what to do. This is natural, but it leads the griever to feeling overwhelmed or even panicked. Setting boundaries such as, “Actually I would prefer if we discuss something else,” “I appreciate you checking in, I have the support I need right now,” “When we meet today I would appreciate ____”.
Go to therapy- Aha! You probably saw it coming a mile away, since this article is written by a therapist. Finding a grief specialist therapist (like me) can help you identify the support tools, prompts, processes that are unique to you. Grief is hard to navigate, it can feel so isolating even when you are not alone. Having a person outside your world, who is nonjudgmental and trained to support grievers can be helpful. Sometimes it is hard to get that outlet in our own lives when people we love are also grieving, or are judgmental of the breakup you are navigating. Friends & loved ones are always biased, out of love and the deep connections they have to you. So having that outer professional person can feel like space just for you, to feel what you need to feel, say what you need to say and process your grief in your own way.
Just f*cking cry- sometimes connecting to the emotional self is the hardest part, because it means that it is real, it is true- and this HAS HAPPENED. Which is excruciating to recognize.
These are just a few examples of potential supportive activities for grief. Something to keep in mind, is whatever you do- be consistent. Find healthy and supportive things you can create habits out of, that way when you have days where your grief is paralyzing or extreme, you have a baseline of routine to support you.
You are doing your best, and if you have read this whole article, it means you are trying. That is a big deal! Keep trying, keep taking it step by step, moment to moment.
