Love is a Battlefield

Simone Koger, MA, LMFTA, CGP

2021-11-30

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self love club,self love,women empowerment,LGBTQ+ empowerment,you are enough,feel more self worth

Reality Check: You are WORTHY of Self Love

Did you flinch? This might seem daunting to accept. Which is probably why you are reading this right now. Unfortunately for a lot of us, there have been people, communities, strangers, or culturally influenced views that tell us we are not worthy of love. If you are struggling to accept the phrase listed above, it might be time to talk to someone about it. Therapy can help uncover those false narratives that have influenced how you view yourself.

Self love is a lifelong journey, and believing you deserve love is one of the biggest hurdles. We can take baby steps to get there! Just because this one statement may not feel true doesn't mean we can't work towards it.

So until then, what comes next? Self-discovery is an important part of figuring out your own journey towards developing better self love. Here are some journal prompts I think could be helpful for self-reflection:

Journal entry: On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being none at all, 10 being Megan Thee Stallion, Beyoncé level self love) how would you rate your current self love?

If you are anywhere between 0 and 7 I would say talking to an outside perspective could be helpful and we have a ways to go. 8-10 you are getting closer! While outside support can still be helpful, you are right at the edge of high self love already.

Journal entry: What are some of the negative things you tell yourself? Now CROSS THEM OUT! These are not real! Like an annoying song that gets stuck in your head because it's catchy- not because it's good, these thoughts don't get to live in your brain rent free any more!

Journal entry: What's stopping you from believing you can fully love yourself?

Journal entry: Who is an example of someone who you think has healthy self love traits? Which of those traits do you want to develop in yourself?

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Build Me Up

Over time, while you are discovering what has negatively influenced your self love, you can also work on developing it. One example I truly appreciate is Mel Robbins, High 5 Habit. She found that by giving herself a high five every morning when she woke up, she retrained her brain to be more caring towards herself, rather than critical. While high-fiving might not cure a super low self love- or work for everyone, building healthy rituals that prove to yourself you love yourself is the idea. Writing or telling yourself positive affirmations each day is another great example. Just like you put time into any other important relationship in your life, you have to do the same for your relationship with yourself. (Shocking right?)

Set intentional acts of love towards yourself each day. Maybe that is a sticky note on your bathroom mirror with a self-love affirmation. Or it could be changing all your phone categories to positive phrases. Some people might say a mantra during breath work or yoga. There are endless creative ways to show yourself you matter! As mentioned earlier, this is a journey. A phrase I love highlighting in therapy is that therapy is a small portion of your life- the way you utilize what you have learned outside of that hour each week IS THE CHANGE. We can't go to the gym, walk in, take a breath- and walk out, somehow healthier. (One could dream...) The same goes for developing self love. You can't talk about doing it, but never follow through. Being intentional is setting yourself up for success!

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This is the first step- not the last.

Just by reading this article, and thinking about ways to add self care and intentional self-love in your life is a step in the right direction! There are so many others out there doing the same things- putting off their self love while they put others first; feeling unworthy; unsure about what self love even is to them. These are things to process and understand through self-discovery and personal therapy. If you are looking for a therapist to work on self love development please contact me for a free consultation call to see if my style fits with your mental health journey!